There was a season in my life where I genuinely believed that if I could just get everything “right,” I would finally feel steady. I was navigating health challenges that made my body feel unpredictable, walking through grief that I did not have language for, and trying to hold everything together for my family at the same time. I became very good at functioning, at showing up and doing what needed to be done, but underneath it all was exhaustion I could not shake. I kept thinking the answer was more discipline, more structure, more effort. But the harder I tried to control everything, the more disconnected I felt from myself and from others. Deep inside myself, I felt disconnected from something greater than everything else, something that was stepping into my life without me even knowing. God was calling to me and telling me to surrender. It was not until I began to loosen my grip and allow myself to be held in the middle of it all that something started to shift. I did not have it figured out and nothing was fixed, but slowly I began to feel less like I was striving and more like I was being rooted.
This kind of exhaustion, that comes from trying to be “good,” patient, loving, or trying to do the right thing, was breaking me.
I think most of us have felt that tension. It’s a desire to live well paired with the inability to sustain it. This is human experience at its core, and it’s one that Scripture highlights. In fact, it speaks directly to it and directly to us if we can slow down and listen.
The Struggle We Don’t Talk About Enough
In Romans 7, Paul describes something that feels almost too honest:
“I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.”
It’s the tension between who we want to be and what we actually do.
We know what love looks like:
- patience
- kindness
- selflessness
And yet, something in us resists it. We get tired, defensive, self-protective, or distracted. This is the process of becoming aware, and this awareness is where our transformation can begin.
The Lie of “Try Harder”
Many of us were taught that spiritual growth looks like effort. We must be more disciplined and obedient, or we must try harder next time. But Jesus offers a different image entirely.
In John 15, He says:
“I am the vine; you are the branches… apart from me you can do nothing.”
This is a call to remain planted. A branch does not force itself to grow, nor does it strain to produce fruit, it simply stays connected. Growth happens naturally when nourishment is present.
Abiding vs. Performing
There is a subtle but powerful shift that happens when we move from performance to connection.
Performance says:
- Earn love
- Prove yourself
- Do better
Abiding says:
- You are already loved
- Stay close
- Let love change you
When we believe we have to earn God’s love, obedience becomes exhausting. It turns into pressure, and pressure rarely produces lasting transformation. When we begin with love, and we let ourselves be rooted in it, something changes. We begin to obey because we are already accepted instead of obeying to be accepted.
What “Fruit” Actually Looks Like
Jesus makes it clear that the outcome of abiding is not perfection, but love.
This is the kind of love that:
- chooses others even when it’s inconvenient
- lets go of pride
- gives time, attention, and care freely
- sacrifices comfort for connection
This is the kind of love that grows over time.
The Daily Rhythm of Grace
Transformation stems from a rhythm of moments. We soften and remember the roots and the vine, and we desire to return as the branch. And this time we bring with us a willingness to express honesty about where we are.
It often looks like this:
- recognizing where we have fallen short
- bringing it into the light without shame
- receiving grace again
- allowing that grace to shape how we treat others
This becomes a daily pursuit, and over time, a shift occurs.
We become:
- more patient
- more compassionate
- more grounded
- more at peace
This happens because we stayed connected and acknowledged without force.
Why the Cross Still Offends
The message at the center of all of this is simple, but not easy to accept:
We cannot save ourselves.
That truth confronts something deep within every human heart. We want to believe that if we just become disciplined enough, kind enough, or spiritual enough, we can make ourselves right with God. But Scripture tells us we never could. “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).
The cross stands as God’s answer to what we could never accomplish ourselves. Jesus Christ took upon Himself the weight of our sin, our guilt, and our failure. Through His death and resurrection, forgiveness became a gift instead of something we could ever earn.
The cross tells us:
- we are more broken than we want to admit
- we are more deeply loved than we could ever imagine
- forgiveness is received
- our salvation rests entirely on Christ’s finished work, not our own
That is why the cross is offensive. It removes every reason for boasting and leaves us with only one response: gratitude, repentance, and trust in Jesus. This is where freedom lives.
A Different Way Forward
If you’ve been stuck in the exhausting cycle of trying harder and still feeling like you never measure up, the invitation of Jesus is to receive His acceptance.
Come to the cross with your striving, your failures, your shame, and your inability to fix yourself. Christ has already carried what you cannot. His sacrifice is sufficient, His forgiveness is complete, His grace is enough.
From that place—not from fear, guilt, or performance—we learn to abide. We remain in the One who first loved us, and as we stay connected to Him, He begins producing fruit in us that we could never manufacture on our own.
The Christian life is not ultimately about becoming a better version of yourself, but instead it is about being united with Christ, trusting completely in His finished work on the cross, and allowing His life to become your life. Everything begins there, and everything continues there.
Reflection
Where in your life are you still trying to earn what Christ has already given freely?
What burden are you carrying that Jesus has already carried to the cross?
Today, instead of striving to become enough, simply come to Him. Receive His forgiveness. Rest in His grace. Abide in the One who gave His life so that you might truly live. In the end, our hope is found in the One who remained faithful when we could not. Jesus Christ—crucified, risen, and reigning—is our salvation. Everything else flows from Him.